Headfirst Into the Abyss
by arborealstops
Summary: {T because I'm paranoid} [modern AU] Alexander Hamilton is the newest addition to King's College, and he is excited to be there, but here's the thing- he has nowhere to stay. His lifelong friend, Peggy, offers to let him room with her boyfriend, Lafayette, and his two friends, Hercules and John. At first, Alex refuses, but the moment he meets John, his whole opinion changes.
1. i

"That's your sixth coffee this morning, Alexander. I'm starting to worry about you."

I looked up to see my best friend staring down at me. Despite the fact that it wasn't yet ten in the morning, she looked perfect- hair tied back into a ponytail, impeccable makeup, and a cute yellow dress guaranteed that I had the most stunning best friend in the world.

I let out a sigh. "Come on Pegs, it's not that bad. Besides, you know I have to find a place to stay before next week. Otherwise I'm going to have to stay with mom and George and, while I love them dearly, I do not love the prospect of a two hour commute every morning."

"I already told you." Peggy picked up my mug and swirled the dark liquid around as she spoke. "Laf wouldn't mind at all if you moved in with him."

"I'm not living with your boyfriend, even if is he is one of my best friends. I know how much time you spend over there, and I do not want to hear you two hooking up constantly."

Peggy made a choking noise, although whether it was from my comment or my pitch black coffee I don't know.

"Fine. But at least let me see if he has a friend-"

"Peg. I love you dearly, I really do, but I don't need you to-"

I was cut off by the sound of her phone ringing. She looked at the screen and immediately blushed, which definitely meant that it was Lafayette. "Hey babe~"

I signed and went back to scrolling through the many extremely expensive apartments for rent. I couldn't help wishing I'd done this back in spring, when they weren't in such high demand...

I zoned back in to want Peggy was saying as I heard my name.

"Yeah, Alex is just trying to find a place to stay for during classes." She shit a grin at me and I rolled my eyes, knowing where this was going. "Do you know anyone who-"

I let out a groan as her face lot up at whatever her boyfriend was saying. I slammed my laptop shit and began to stand.

"No, wait, do you think you can meet us here and bring them with?" Peggy stood in front of me, blocking my only exit. "You said they're close by, right? Just have them meet us at Seabury's."

"Peggy, let me go," I growled. I wasn't really mad, not yet at least, but I would be if she didn't let me go.

"Sounds perfect." Peggy ignored me, speaking into the cell phone pressed to her ear. "Look, I've gotta go, but I'll call you later, okay? I love you!"

Just as I was about to slip past her, Peggy shoved her phone in her pocket and grabbed my wrist. "Nuh-uh. If you're going to complain about the dorms all the time then you can stand to sit through meeting these guys."

She was probably right. I had spent a lot of time complaining lately, and poor Peggy had say through all of it and listened to every word I had to say. I kind of owed her this one.

"Fine," I signed. "But I'm not making any promises."

"I'm not asking you to," she replied sweetly, just as the door chimed, alerting us to newcomers.

I looked up at the door and my breath caught in my throat.

"Holy shit."


	2. ii

"Peg Leg!"

I didn't see exactly what happened, but suddenly a green and brown blur had raced over and was now hugging Peggy tightly. She let out a giggle. "Good to see you, too, Jackie," she laughed.

The other man stood back a bit with a small smirk on his face. When John finally set Peggy down, he stepped forward and have her a quick hug. "Hey Peggy."

"Herc! I missed you guys. You need to come over to Laf's more often."

"And watch you two make out for three hours? No thanks."

I laughed at John's comment, and he turned to me. For the first time, I got a good look at him. He was a little taller than me, with curly brown hair and what seemed like a billion freckles on his face alone. A huge grin split his face, and his blue eyes couldn't seem to stay fixed in one spot. He wore jeans, sneakers, 82nd a dark green sweatshirt depicting a cartoon turtle.

"You must be Alexander," he said excitedly. "I'm John! John Laurens!"

I expected a handshake at the very most, but instead the man pulled me in for a tight hug.

"It's- it's just Alex." My response was muffled as the man hugged me tightly.

"Let the poor guy go, John."

John let go of me and I turned to the other man. "I'm Hercules," he said, offering a hand. "John and Lafayette's roommate."

I shook his hand, then turned to Peggy with a frown. "Pegs, I told you, I'm not-"

"Don't worry, Alex," Peggy assured me. "Laf doesn't actually live with them."

"That's true!" John spoke up again and I couldn't help watching the animated way he spoke. "He's just our best friend and he spends so much time over that you would think he lives there."

"But I'm not allowed there," Peggy added. "So you don't have to worry about that."

"Not allowed?" I questioned.

"Lets just say we caught them doing some unspeakable things in a shared room," Hercules replied, waving it off. "You don't want to know."

"Peggy!" I screeched, turning to look at my best friend. "You didn't tell me-"

"-that we are good at exaggerating?" This conversation was getting hard to follow, what with John and Hercules and Peggy all adding their own sides to things. "He just walked in on them making out in the kitchen once." John let out a snort.

I glanced over at Peggy, who's face was a deep pink. "And you thought it would be a good idea to send them somewhere with no supervision?"

I saw the blood drain from Hercules's face and laughed.

Poor Peggy was bright pink. "Guys, you're the worst-"

She was cut off by her phone ringing again. John, Hercules and I started talking about ridiculous things we had seen couples do until Peggy cleared her throat.

"Laf wants me to come over for a little while," she said. "You guys talk to each other for a bit, figure out this whole roommate thing, okay?"

We all nodded. "Bye Peggy," Hercules and John chorused.

"Use protection!" I called toward her retreating form.


	3. iii

"What do you mean, you've never seen Footloose?" John had a look of utter distress plastered on his face. "It's a classic!

I scoffed. "I never owned it." I didn't want to go into detail about how I had ended up here, not yet.

"Never owned it? What do you mean 'never owned it'? Everyone owns Footloose, Alexander."

"Alex," I corrected him for what felt like the thousandth time that morning.

"That's the first thing we are watching when you move in." John looked super excited, while Hercules just groaned.

"Not again."

" _If_ I move in," I added. "I don't really know much about this apartment of yours..."

"There's two rooms." Herc suddenly joined back into the conversation. "One is mine, that Laf shares when he comes over. The other one would belong to you and Johnny Boy, if you're interested."

That sparked my interest. I wasn't going to lie, I was already crushing on John big time. Maybe it was the way he spoke with his hands, always waving them wildly to demonstrate his point, or maybe it was just his cute freckles and amazing hair.

"But be warned- he spends a lot of time in there with his boyfriend," Hercules added.

"Boyfriend?" I hadn't even thought about how the question would sound, coming out of my mouth. I just hoped it didn't give away my disappointment.

"Yeah, this guy named Thomas. Thomas Jefferson. Who is probably the reason John is completely ignoring us."

I looked over at John. Hercules was right- he seemed to be texting someone, and looked like he was completely ignorant of what was going on around him. After I watched him for a few seconds, he looked up. "What?"

The expression on his face was adorable; he was obviously blissfully in love. "Nothing," I replied, smiling softly at the expression he wore.

Shrugging, he looked back at his phone and began typing wildly, the top of his tongue sticking out between his lips. Something about that decided it for me.

"I'll move in."


	4. iv

John's head shot up. "You will?"

I let out a quiet chuckle. "Yeah. I mean, if you guys really don't mind."

"Of course we don't mind." Hercules was smiling widely. "We can get the room ready for you to move in by Friday, if that's okay?"

That gave me four days to get ready. "Sounds perfect!"

A giddy feeling began to rise in my chest. I was moving in with these two guys, two guys who were probably about to become my best friends. I let a huge grin split my face.

John let out a laugh. "You should probably tell Peggy that you're moving in with us," he advised with a smile. "She'll want to know."

I gasped. "You're right!" Pulling out my phone, I dialed Peggy's sister's number.

"Hello?"

"Eliza!"

"Alex! I haven't heard from you in so long! How are you?"

A slightly guilty feeling settled in my stomach. Peggy, Angelica, and Eliza had been my best friends for years, but lately I hadn't been speaking to Eliza and Angelica as much. Angelica mostly because she was a year older than me and therefore already in college, but I didn't really have a good excuse for Eliza. "I'm doing great, actually, that's why I called. I got an apartment!"

I could hear the bright smile on her face. "That's wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Do you have roommates? Tell me about them!"

I glanced at John and Hercules. Even though they had respectfully stepped away, they were still close enough to hear everything I said. "How about later?" I asked. "We could meet up for lunch?"

"That sounds amazing," Eliza replied. "Seabury's or King's?"

"Seabury's for sure. I'm not in the mood to deal with King." King's Palace was a diner not far from where Eliza and her sisters lived. They had amazing food, but the owner, George King, was a right pain in the-

"Me either," Eliza laughed. "Okay, I'll see you then. Bye!"

"Bye!" I shoved my phone back into my pocket with a grin.

 **a/n: wow. if you'll believe it, these four chapters used to be one chapter. yikes.**


	5. v

John set the last box on the floor with a grunt. "That's it, right?"

I leaned against the door, a grin on my face. It hadn't taken much time to move my few belongings into my new room. "That's it."

John grinned and flopped back into his bed, sending a pile of folded clothes flying. I laughed, reaching over to pick his stuff up.

"Just leave it. Herc hates it when I leave my clothes on the floor." John sat up. "Which is precisely why I do it."

"Did you just say precisely?"

John rolled his eyes and laughed. "Shove off, Alexander."

"It's Alex!" Hercules poked his head into the room. "And get your clothes off the floor before I bury you in them." He shot a grin at me before retreating to his own room, just barely missing being hit with the pillow John chucked at him.

With another groan, John heaved himself off his bed and threw his clothes into his bed while I started opening one of my boxes.

"Yo, Alexander, leave that for later."

I didn't bother correcting John again. It seemed like he was going to continue to call me Alexander no matter what.

"Come on, you should come grab coffee with me and Thomas."

"I'm good." I didn't really want to be a third wheel, even if I did have a bit of an interest in meeting the famous Thomas Jefferson.

John slid to the floor next to me. "You good?"

I shrugged. It was exhausting, moving, even if I didn't have much stuff. And besides, I really wasn't interested in watching John suck someone's face off for an hour or so. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Come on. Thomas is bringing his friend with him and I don't want James to feel like a third wheel." He gave me this pleading, puppy-dog look. "Pretty please?"

Holding back a smile, I rolled my eyes. "Dork. Fine, I'll go."

John let out a whoop. "Come on!" He jumped up, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. He dragged me out of our room, and I followed, enjoying the feeling of his hand in mine, even if it was just for a minute.


	6. vi

"So, you're the new roommate?"

Thomas was a tall guy, a sophomore. He wore a maroon t-shirt that hugged his fit torso. The color complimented his dark skin and sparkling, mischievous eyes perfectly. I could see why John like him. To be perfectly honest, I was a little intimidated by him.

"Yep. My name's Alex." I gave him a half-smile, and he smirked.

"Thomas," he introduced himself with a nod. I gave a little wave and sank back in the booth seat just as John reappeared with our drinks. "Black for Alexander, peppermint mocha for Thomas, got cocoa for me, and chai tea for James. Wherever he is."

"I'm right here." I twisted around to see a short man in an oversized black sweater walking toward us. "Hey John, Thomas..." he trailed off and gave me a questioning look.

"Alex." I shot him a quick smile and moved over so that there was room for him next to me.

He took the seat gladly. "I'm James." He grabbed his mug and took a slurp of his tea and sniffled.

"A cold again?" Thomas frowned at his friend from across the table. "Have you been taking your medicine?"

James nodded, his face flushed dark red. "Yeah, it's just the time of year. I always get a cold around the beginning of school," he explained, turning to look at me. "I have the absolute worst immune system in North America."

I let out a small chuckle and took a drink of my coffee. "Is it really that bad?"

"It really is," John piped up. "I don't think I've ever seen him when he wasn't sick."

James looked indignant. "Hey-" he broke off, frowning.

Thomas laughed. "Exactly."

James made a point face, but it quickly morphed into a smile. "I hate you guys."

John laughed and snuggled up to Thomas, who wrapped an arm around him and moved John into his lap. John let out a squeak, and I wasn't sure if I should smile at the cuteness or cover my eyes.

James just sighed and looked at me. "Hey, how about we go get our own table so they can do their thing?"

I nodded, grabbing my coffee. "Sounds perfect." I turned to tell John, but his lips were glued to Thomas's, so I just got up and walked away.

 **a/n: wow such cringe i'm so so sorry**


	7. vii

"Are they still-"

James cut me off before I could finish my question. "Yep."

We were seated at a table for two, situated so that James could see where John and Thomas were sitting, but I couldn't. I had figured it would be better that way, but the look on James's face made me wonder if I'd been wrong.

He was staring at their table with such an intense look that it could have easily caught something on fire. The look seemed to be a mixture of jealousy and anger, but there was something hiding just below the surface that I couldn't quite decipher.

Sighing, I finished up my coffee. "So," I began, not sure where I was going with this, but not wanting to sit in awkward silence any longer.

"So." James finally looked away from Thomas and John to meet my eyes.

"How long have you and Thomas been friends?" I don't know why that was the first thing to come to mind, but it was, and it slipped out of my mouth seemingly without my control.

James looked a little surprised for a second, but he covered it as quickly as he replied. "Forever." Then he amended himself. "Well, basically, anyway. We grew up not that far from each other, went to the same schools, our parents were friends..." James trailed off, thinking about the past. He finally just shrugged. "I can't really remember life without him," he murmured, his voice barely loud enough to hear. I pretended not to hear, in fact, in case he hadn't wanted me to. "What about you?" He suddenly volleyed back. "How long have you known John?"

"A week." I laughed. "It seems like so much longer."

It really did. Ever since I had agreed to move in, John and I had spent lots of time together. We had gone to get coffee most mornings, just so we could get to know each other better. We didn't want to be roommates and not hardly know each other.

Of course, there were a few things I hadn't shared with him, but that's how it is with everyone.

"He's really great, honestly. So is Hercules," I added. "My other roommate."

James nodded and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but stopped.

"James?" I tilted my head in confusion.

A voice from right behind me caused me to jump about a foot in the air. "Hey, we're going back to the apartment."

I turned to see Thomas standing behind me, holding his jacket awkwardly in front of him. It took me a minute to realize why, but when I did, I blushed.

"But-" I stuttered. "John is my ride-"

"I'll drive you back," James offered half-heartedly. "It's not like I'm looking forward to going back to the apartment with them there anyway." I looked to see if John or Thomas would react to that, but they had already disappeared.

"Thanks."

· · ·

"This traffic is the worst," James mumbled. We were only a few miles from the apartment I shared with John and Hercules, but we'd been in James's car for twenty minutes and had barely moved.

"No shit," I muttered back. "It would have taken less time to walk, I think." Sighing, I leaned my head against the window.

We drove- or, rather, sat- in comfortable silence for a few minutes longer, before James turned to me.

"It's aggravating, you know?" I did my best to not look confused. "Watching him and John. John's a great guy, don't get me wrong, but I always hoped that maybe when Thomas settled down it would be with me? I don't know. This is the longest he's been in a relationship," James added. "I don't know why, but I always hoped it would be me."

My confusion was quickly replaced with sympathy and understanding. "That's really-"

I was cut off by the sound of a phone ringing. It took me a moment to realize that it was mine.

"Hello?"


	8. viii

"Hello?"

I glanced at the cars outside, not only wondering about what Alex had been about to say, but also why I had spilled my innermost feelings to a man I had met less than two hours ago. I mean, I trusted him, of course, but no one else knew how I felt about Thomas. Maybe I had just told him because he had been the first person I'd felt I could tell.

I looked back over at Alex and saw a worried look on his face. I tried to get his attention, but it didn't seem to be working. Thankfully, traffic started moving again, so I drove forward. We weren't far from the apartment when I finally heard Alex say, "Thank you for letting me know. I'll be there as soon as I can."

His voice was shaky. I glanced over at him, worried, just as we pulled up to the apartment complex. Alex finally met my gaze and let out a loud gasp.

"Was there anyone with him?"

· · ·

"They've been in an accident," Alex told me as I sped toward the hospital. "John seems to be okay-"

He broke off with a small squeak, and I glanced at him, worry gnawing at my insides. "And Thomas?"

"They don't know," Alex finally answered. "Something about a couple of broken ribs, but they're more worried about his leg."

"His leg?" I tried not to let him see how scared I was. I really did try. I failed.

He gave me a sympathetic look and grabbed my hand in a protective manner. "He'll be okay, James. You've got to believe in him."

I just nodded.


	9. ix

"James, you need to calm down-" I broke off as my friend continued his pacing. We were back in the apartment I shared with John and Hercules, after having gone to see John in the hospital. Hercules, Laf, and Peggy were all with him now, but I'd taken James back after he had found out that Thomas couldn't have visitors. We'd been at the apartment for almost three hours, and James hadn't quit pacing. He was going to wear through the carpet soon, if he wasn't careful.

"James-" I tried again, but he didn't even glance in my direction. Sighing, I finally stood up off the couch. "James, you need to stop."

"No. I don't know if he's okay or if he's going to be okay or-"

"The hospital will call us when we can see him." It was about the fifteenth time I had said that. "Please, just _sit down._ "

He shook his head. "But what if-"

I cut him off by grabbing him around the waist the next time he walked past. I pulled him down onto the couch next to me. "They'll call us if anything happens. I promise."

He opened his mouth as if to argue, then shook his head before bursting into tears.

I curled up against Alexander's side, tears flooding my face. "I c- can't lose him, Alex," I blubbered, knowing that I was being dramatic but unable to help myself. Being sick definitely didn't help any either. "He's my best f- friend!"

Alex wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I looked up at him. "James," he whispered. "He'll be-"

"But you don't know that!" I meant for it to be a shout, but it came out as a whisper. "You don't know that he'll be okay so _please_ stop saying that."

He frowned but nodded. "Just trust the doctors, okay? It's probably not that bad."

I didn't believe it, but I nodded and curled up against his side, hoping he was right.

 **[I am so so sorry for the really short chapter. I know what I want to do, but I'm still trying to figure out how to do it. It's a struggle, but I promise these will get better.]**


	10. x

**[trigger warning: mentions of suicide]**

"Thomas?"

It was three days after the accident, and this was the first time Thomas was allowed visitors. Even though John had been released yesterday morning, I was the first one to see Thomas. But maybe it would have been better if John had come, too.

"Jem?" Thomas turned his face away from the window and faced me. He was pale, thin, and sad. He looked so, so sad. And he didn't even know-

"I'm right here," I said softly, stepping forward. He looked so scared. I sat in one of the hard plastic chairs by the hospital bed. "How are you?"

He shook his head and looked away, and I knew that he was trying not to cry. He never let anyone see him cry. Not when his dad died, not when his mom went crazy, not even when he found his sister hanging from the rafters in their garage. My heart broke looking at him.

"Where's John?" His voice was barely over a whisper, and despite the fact that he was asking for someone else, I couldn't help wanting to reach out and hug him.

"He's with Alex. At his apartment. Resting." When Thomas turned back to look at me, I swear my heart shattered. He looked so, so broken. And scared. Thomas was never scared, and that worried me more than anything.

Thomas had always been the strong one, ever since we were little. He'd had to be. His dad had died when he was five, and since then, his mother had sunk into a permanent drunken state, unable to care for her children. He was the man of his family. And ever since his sister Mary had committed suicide when he was fifteen, his other sister, Jane, hadn't been able to care for their younger siblings, and Thomas had been forced to take on the role of a parent. He never let anyone see him scared, because he never let himself be scared.

I alone knew how much he hurt inside. I alone knew what his home life was like, how he had struggled with school, how he had tried so hard to get into college and to care for his siblings and his mother, how he worried about them constantly. And I knew that he wouldn't want them knowing he was hurt. I also knew that this injury was something he couldn't hide forever.

"Thomas-"

"I know." His shoulders hunched, and I knew he wanted to curl up, but the cast over his left leg stopped him. "I can't ever walk again, can I?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. I just grabbed his hand and held on as he let out all of the tears he had been holding in.

"Alex! Can you help me with the groceries?"

I groaned as Lafayette yelled at me from where he stood at the front door. Hercules and I had been staying with him since the accident, and now John was there too. It was easier on all of us, being able to be together and being able to keep an eye on John together.

Speaking of John... I glanced over at him. We had been sitting up here together watching Netflix when I had noticed John falling asleep on my shoulder. I'd tucked him into my bed, which is where he was now. If he didn't wake up soon, I would probably have to use his bed for the night. Oh well.

We shared a room here, too. John still needed help with his bandages and things, and Hercules was trying to steal Laf away from Peggy, or so it seemed. He had tried stealing Peggy's place in Lafayette's room, but Peg had just laughed and pushed him out. I didn't think Herc liked Peggy much, but he never said anything.

As I sat there thinking about the weird relationships between my new friends, I heard a cough from behind me and sighed.

"Sorry Laf. I got... distracted."

I heard him snort and turned around. "Distracted by _ton amour_?" He teased, and I rolled my eyes.

"He has a boyfriend," I muttered, but it sounded like a weak excuse, even to me.

Laf just rolled his eyes. "Mhm. Anyway, help?"

"Right, sorry." I stood up as Lafayette walked out, muttering to himself in French. As I walked away, I glanced back at John and hoped no one woke him up for a while. He looked more peaceful there than he had in days, and I didn't want to see that end.

"Alexander!"

I must have been staring longer than I thought.

"Coming!"


	11. xi

"I should get a job or something. Honestly," I sighed to James. The two of us had taken to hanging out more lately, since Thomas was still in the hospital and John couldn't go out much. "I feel so bad with Laf and Herc trying to take care of me."

"Can't your parents give you something?" James sipped his hot cocoa and curled up next to me on the couch as my face twisted into a grimace.

Only Peggy knew anything about my family. I had first started talking to her through a pen-pal project that I had joined, and one of the first things she had asked about was my family. But I hadn't felt close enough to anyone to try and explain my family history.

"Alex?" I snapped back to the present at the sound of James's voice. He had twisted around and was looking at me with a worried expression. "Are you okay?"

Forcing a smile onto my face, I nodded. "I'm good. Sorry. And, no, I can't get any money from my parents, and I don't want to take anything more from mom and George."

I loved the Washingtons, I really did. I appreciated everything they had done for me. They had taken me in when I had nowhere else to go. But I had to learn to live on my own, and besides, I didn't want to continue to take from them.

"'Mom and George'?" James repeated. "Who are they?"

"My... adoptive parents, of a sort." They hadn't ever really adopted me, but they acted like it.

"Why do you call him George?"

"Can we talk about something else please?" I hated to be that way but I couldn't talk about this. Not right now.

James's eyes softened and he leaned back against me. "Of course. I'm sorry."

Wrapping an arm around him, I shook my head. "It's not your fault. Maybe I'll tell you someday."

He nodded and snuggled up to me. "Let's watch a movie?"

"My turn to pick."

"Damn. I hoped you would forget."

I woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. Carefully, I peeled myself out of Alex's arms. He had fallen asleep only a few minutes into the movie, so I had shut it off and curled up with him. He looked so much less stressed when he was asleep. The wrinkles on his forehead disappeared, and there was a peaceful smile on his lips.

I started as the phone began ringing again. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, but the screen was blank. After a moment of fishing around, I found Alex's phone and checked the caller ID. It was his mom.

Looking down at Alex, I realized that his sleep was probably more important than this phone call, so I answered.

"Hello?"

 _"Alexander? Who is this?"_

"My name is James. I'm a... friend of Alex's. He's asleep. Is everything okay?"

 _"Can I talk to Alex, please?"_ She sounded like she was crying.

I frowned, worried. "Let me wake him up."

There was silence from the other end, except a little sniffle. Worried, I shook Alex's shoulder. "Alex," I hissed. "Wake up!"

I saw him slowly blink awake, and then he sat up, his eyes darting around the room before settling on me. "James?"

I nodded and held out the phone. "Your mom called."

He snatched the hand out of my phone and held it to his ear.

"Mom?"

I studied Alex's face as he listened to the woman. What had at first been excitement faded to worry and then to fright and finally to shock. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he whispered before hanging up.

When he turned to look at me, his eyes were wide and filled with tears. Before he even told me what had happened, I was pulling him into my arms. As I held him tightly, he finally managed to croak out what had happened:

"George had a stroke. He- he didn't- he didn't make it."


End file.
